Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2

Firstly a big Merry belated Chrimbo to one and all and to quote Tiny Tim"God Bless us, each and every one of us". Well Christmas came and went amid sniffles and sore throats, but was enjoyable in a quiet reflective sort of way.

Marci managed to battle her way up the M1 from London to reach us Christmas afternoon.


Marci with a much deserved glass of champers

My mum and dad joined us and we spent the afternoon amid wrapping paper, copious amounts of alcohol and turkey.


Keefe, Mum, Dad and Marci - and a pyrex gravy boat - Oh my gosh, real proof Im trailer trash!

It was a most pleasant day, even though I remained principally sober (darn TripleB). I have to say I indulged in a glass or three of the ole bubbly juice but didn’t do my usual Drinks Fairy trick. Perhaps this was why it was a pleasant day!!!


K after stuffing his face - No more food!

Santa brought a lovely selection of things for everybody even the cats got some much adored catnip and have since been behaving in a most strange and amusing manner!


Where's my present, I remember putting it down somewhere. Memory loss - one of the down sides of catnip!!?

Boxing day was spent flipping through the TV channels attempting to find goggle box entertainment whilst stuffing our faces with left over turkey and sausage rolls.

K got out his new Minidisc and attempted to connect it to his existing system. It didn’t work, so amid muttered swearing and talk of "taking it back" Marci and I giggled at Mans inability to read destructions and set up my new SKYPE phone.

With impending snow we battled down the hatches cracked open various Christmas DVD's and chocolates and settled on the sofa.

On Tuesday Marci left us to battle her way back to London through the snow, K and I plebbed in front of the TV. I distinctly remember contemplating dragging my butt from the sofa and going for a walk but the Siberian wind rattle round the caravan hinting at frozen eye lashes and crusted snot so I ate more chocolate and snuggled deeper in the warmth of the duvet.

Yes the Snot monster remained an unwanted guest throughout the festive period and even paid K and Marci a little visit; see Christmas is a time for sharing!

Today we got up to discover all the water pipes have frozen so we have no water - Ohhh what fun!!!

To alleviate the worry of not showering or brushing our teeth – mmmmm trailer trash festering - K got out his new Minidisk player and attempted, again, to connect it to his JVC systems. He seemed to have had slightly more success than on boxing day because he was able to record from the CD to the minidisk, however he is still unable to record from cassette to minidisk because there is no output from the amplifier, not really sure if that is right, but seems to be what he has spent most of the morning muttering about.

He specifically wanted the minidisk to record all his old tapes onto disc.... but now there is just lots of maybes and humphs and talk of "taking it back" and maybe getting a recordable CD Player.... not sure if there is another solution but have sent out an all points call to Mr T, my Positive Wizard, who is generally able to resolve any issues technical.

I've done all the filing and tidied up the caravan in an effort to prepare for the forth coming New Year. I'm proud to say that this year I have managed to keep my new years resolutions, which was to not make any new years resolutions and thanks to a site Stan found to "fart more in public". Whoops does that mean I haven’t kept my resolutions?

Oh and least I forget congratulations need to go to D-Man and D-Missus, who on the 17th December became the proud parents to D-Other girl.

So that about sums up Christmas of 2005 – I'm not going to muse on things past, I'm going to attempt to be forward looking and positive. Hmm perhaps there is something in this not showering malarkey!!!

Remember the snot monster from last year? Well bugger me, the git is back with all guns blazing!

K was assigned to the spare room, but ended up on the sofa and I crawled between clean sheets (always nice when your feeling low) sprayed the bedding liberally with olbas oil, lathered tiger balm onto my chest, neck and sinuses clutched my winnie the pooh hot water bottle, drank buckets full of hot water and lemon and waited for the war to end.

God I missed my Lemsip toddy! Im sure if I had given in and had a little (hmmm large) whisky the snot monster would have run away and hid. But I was trying to be good, cause of TripleB, I stayed away from all the lovely pharmasuetical aids and alcohol I usually take in conjuntion with each other, I know your not supposed to but its the only way I know of beating the beast.

What use is Para-bloody-cetamol to anyone, it does nothing!

At 3am this morning I woke with cracking headache, snot on my clean pillows, snot on my face and Rosie looking at me in total disbelief as I think Id attempted to use her tail as a hanky. I think this cause when I blew my nose, and checked - why do we do this? - there was fur mingled in with the snot!!!

So this morning I sit in my wee computer suite, eyes like pee holes in the snow, nose doing an impression of a small nuclear disaster and a throat that feels like its swallowed razor blades. Why am I still here, cause Ive got a class to give and Im a fully fledged snot martyr!

Whaaaa I wan my mum, I wan my lemsip toddy, I don wan this cold!!!

This week D-man discovered he was a Insightful Linguist. (I did a similar test and strangely enough I'm also in this elite group - smarm!!!!)

And I got an email telling me I'm going to be a millionaire!!!

WINNING NOTIFICATION:
We happily announce to you the draw of the National Lottery International programs, held on the 7th of DECEMBER 2005 in Manchester,UK.

Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: Blah, blah blah with Serial number Blah/05 drew the lucky numbers: 0-0-0-0-0-0-0, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of Two Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars ($2,500,000.00) in cash credited to file blah, blah blah. This is from a total cash prize of $25,000,000, shared amongst the first Ten (10) lucky winners in this category. All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Website through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 companies.

This promotion takes place annually. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your $2,500,000 in cash credited to file blah, blah blah, would be released to you by our payment office in Europe.

Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning in formation confidential till your claim is processed and your money sent to you.

This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements. Please be warned.

To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:

NAME: DR. LUCIE GILBERT
Email: lottopromo04@yahoo.co.uk

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your full names, your country, your private Telephone and fax number, your Reference/batch numbers etc in any correspondences with us or our designated agent. Please be informed that all winning must be claimed on or before 20th of DECEMBER 2005.

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program. Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Richard Lloyd,
NATIONAL LOTTERY Co-ordinator.

So of course I replied and then sat and waited.....

and I got this email this morning.



Dear Winner,

How are you doing today? I apologise for the delay in replying you. Your winning is been processed. You are required to open a checking and savings account in Barclays Bank immediately,as soon as you do so, send me the account details.

As soon as the account details is recieved, further instruction will be given to you on how to claim your prize. Please do so as soon as possible.

Once again congratulations and goodluck.

Regards,
Lucie Gilbert

So naturally I ran out, opened up a bank account and sent my details - NOT!!

But it would have been nice!!!!

So all together now...

"Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy bifday day dear BLOOOOOOGGY
Happy bifday day to yoooooou"

Better late than never and interesting to see where I’ve been over the last year!!!

And now for something seasonal Marci was kind enough to send me this link to a little game called SOBER SANTA - it kept me entertained for quite some time.

K and I have also resolved our differences (again) in a very grown up sit down way. We managed to put aside hurt and accusations and discuss what caused the argument on Sunday last. We resolved to not do the name calling thing in the future, to try and talk to each other in tones less accusatory and to say what we feel at the time rather than bottle little things up and explode over nothing.

Perhaps the prospect of parenthood is making us grow up!!! (Shut up and stop sniggering Snidey me)

I went into Newcastle Sunday morning, on my own, cause we are still not speaking! As previously mentioned I rarely go into town, but I had to go in to pick up a ring, so got myself up early and headed in thinking shopping started at 10am. More fool me, everywhere was shut, but the town was still pulsing with people with a faint look of desperation in their eyes "only 20 more shopping days to go, gotta have, gotta get, gotta do".

I am currently on a go-slow. I put the Christmas decs up on Saturday and have began to feed the cake but that’s all I’ve done, I’ve never done Christmas in a rush before an figured what the hell, Im going to be 7 months pregnant, why not add one more problem to my basket and do everything last minute this year, its what everyone else does.

So I bimbled around the main shopping mall for 2o mins, glancing into shop windows promising tinsel happiness and fluffy Christmas contentment as long as you brought "This, No this... Yes buy THIS!!"

Sadly all I was really searching for was the toilet; so with a delicate crossed legged desperation I popped into one of the frequently growing coffee shops - it promised real Italian coffee and panettone’s. I ordered a fruit juice a chocolate panettone and headed into the little girls room - Ahhh the bliss that comes with the simplest of bodily functions.

Returning I was told by a dough eyed pimply-faced youth that they "sadly had no chocolate panettone’s, would a fruit one be okay". His sincerity washed over me and I agreed that a fruit one would indeed suffice.

Feeling strangely single I headed upstairs in the hope of finding a secluded seat where I could scoff my panettone and slurp my mango smoothie whilst waiting for 11am to arrive.

Upstairs had been assigned the "Smokers corner" and the air whilst not thick with grey cloying smoke was hinting at the degenerate and defiled habit. I breathed in deeply and moved toward a seat in front of the window that would allow me to carry out one of my favourite hobbies - people watching.

As I lumbered to the seat my eyes flickered and suddenly made contact with a guy sat in the corner - in the comfy sofa seats. His casual clothes - sweatshirt and sweat pants - screamed contractor, but he sat with a comfortable ease. A guy obviously happy in his own skin, happy to be sat slurping coffee, reading papers and talking on the phone. We did that "hi" embarrassed smile thing that strangers do and I took up my seat.

Before I had even pulled my panettone in half and began the stuffing process my ears had tuned into his conversation and I was enthralled. Contractor guy was not a contractor but a Landlord and apparently he had a lodger, in one of his properties, who was trying to diddle him out of rent, they had offered up a strange comprising deal but with added threats, which he was discussing with his partner. Was it better to accept the £400 and get rid of the said tenant or should they go for the full months rent and maybe face the hassle of a hard to move tenant. "Take the money,” I thought to myself slurping hard on the smoothie. And as the streets of Newcastle were not exactly bustling I’m afraid I just sat and listened into this strangers life, it took my mind of my life and the anger and sadness I was still feeling towards K.

Panettone almost scoffed and smoothie slurped I looked at my phone to find out the time and saw that it was almost 11am. Perfect. Just as I was tidying up my little space landlord guy got up to leave. Again with the "acknowledging smiles" he began to walk away, I wiped down the table with my napkin,old waitress habits die hard, and packed up my bag.

Suddenly a presence was leaning over me "Excuse me" smiled landlord guy "I just had to tell you that you have the most fantastic skin I’ve seen in ages, its really luminescent".

My face split into a grin and I blushed like a school girl, "Thank you" I stammered desperately trying to find something grown up to say but coming up with nothing and eventually blithering forth with "its a probably a pregnancy glow... oh and oil of Olay, but thank you" smile, simper, sit in shock, flick hair behind ears and simper again.

"Your welcome" smiled landlord guy again, eyes twinkling he turned and walked away. I sat staring at the crumpled panettone wrapper and empty plastic smoothie with a Cheshir cat like grin upon my face.

So that's what a compliment feels like I thought, "its been so long" snidey me mumbled. "Pah to feeling fat, I’ve got luminescent skin!!!!" I smirked to myself as I bimbled through the crowds.

Okay, those who know me, know I’ve been shafted, whoops that should be blessed, with a rather ample bosom. From the age of 13 I was grown used to people talking to my chest rather than my face and people would often say in a kind of confused manner "Gosh, haven’t you grown" or "my what a big girl you are".

As you progress through life you kind of get used to running with your hands holding yourself down, or lying on your side with your arms out to the sides. You even get used to waking in the night and punching your loved one in the back because as he has rolled over, he has rolled on them, me, us!

Lots of people, mainly flatter chested type people, say things like "Ohh I wish I had boobs like yours", but then they look at me again and quickly rephrase that to "smaller than you obviously (why the obviously I feel like asking), "but you know a bit bigger than I have at the moment".

As the years have passed I’ve got used to them, I’ve grown accustomed to their size!

This morning at 3.30 am, after tossing and turning for an hour and a half I experienced a deep sense of desperation and cried out for "tiny pert boobs". Why I howled at the night couldn’t I have been blessed with the proverbial "pancakes, friend eggs or nats bites".

Pondering-me screamed out "Why didn’t they tell us about this, stop them itching". My whole body and particularly the puppies (as Hx and Milky affectionately call them) was one huge itch. "Do the bear scratch!" yelled Pondering-me. So I frantically rubbed myself up and down the bed like some great brown bear with a tree stump, creating blessed friction and a brief respite from the agony of the ITCH!

Triple B kicked my insides like some sort of bucking buckaroo horsy thing, obviously peed off at my thrashing, luckily I had just cut my nails back because my body would, this morning, be covered with scratches.

Oh these books on pregnancy tell you all about the "discomfort" of labour, epidurals and other medical stuff but no where do they mention about the betrayal of your skin, itchy, stretchy frustrating scratchy skin.

My feet danced in the bed, like I was auditioning for Michael Flatleys "River dance", fingers nails pulling off strips of flesh desperate to stop the ITCH!

I tried showering an at 5.15 this morning and eventually bathed myself in coconut butter, copious amounts of it only discovering a little too late the down side to my discovery that coconut butter not only "reduces stretch marks" (Jury is out on this one) but stops the ITCH. The down side to this discovery is that the smell of cocobutter makes me sick!

However Snidey-me taunted from the corner of my darkened brain "would your rather be a slithering mass of non itchiness with a feeling of nausea or be dealing with the ITCH?

TripleB, Pondering-me and I all unanimously called out "Pass the bucket"

Snidey-me giggled in the corner "Ahhh the joys of pregnancy"