Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2

Like some primordial beast pregnancy cravings crept from my stomach and tapped at the door to my brain on Saturday night. “Must have pepperoni pizza, must have pineapple, must have diet coke” a verbal humming started and TripleB danced inside me to the slow but hypnotic beat.

“K”, said I, “Its time you for you to carry out one of the most important duties of a daddy to be”

“Hmm what’s that then” he mumbled, engrossed in Saturday night viewing.

“I need, no I want, gotta have Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”.

“Huh” he looked at me as one views a mad woman.

“I need, no I want, gotta have Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”.

“Oh fluck a duck, alright, where am I gonna get it from?” We spent the next ten minutes debating the pros and cons of attempting to order in, without a menu, or going to Asda. I vetoed this option; Asda would take at least 30 mins to get there, 20 mins for the shop, 30 mins to get back and then cooking time. Not knowing how these cravings work I figured I might have hit my “night time no eat or you puke rule” so we settled on Sainsburys which was only 10 mins up the road.

“Okay so what do you want?”

“Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”.

“Garlic Bread, Ice cream?” he suggested

“Hmmm” – I listened to the beat “Garlic bread would be nice, if you want some but I just want, gotta have Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”.

K bundled up in coat and boots headed off to the car and I sat rubbing my belly trying to calm the beast and TripleB “food is coming”. I was filled with a warm glow and the little romantic part of me joined the dance “Ahhh how sweet that he is going to find food. My hero, the hunter, off in search of Pizza for his woman.”

The three of them, The Beast, Triple B and Romantic me all tied their napkins round their necks and waited with baited breath. The drums pounded to heady beat of Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and diet coke.

I switched on the oven in readiness, sorted out paper napkins and mayonnaise and sat watching the clock tick, tick tick past. 20 minutes later the hunter returned. I clasped the bag to me like an Ethiopian being given a food parcel.

“Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke” roared the beast. TripleB kicked in eager anticipation and I pulled the bright boxes from the plastic bag and there before me was two Sainsburys HALF FAT Pepperoni Pizzas, a tin of Pineapple chunks, two varieties of garlic bread and a bottle of port?!?!!?!?!

“HALF FAT Pepperoni Pizza!” yelled the beast.

“HALF FAT Pepperoni Pizza!” squealed TripleB.

“HALF FAT Pepperoni Pizza! – Erm excuse me” mumbled romantic me and rushed away to hide.

“Erm… K…. “HALF FAT Pepperoni Pizza?”

“Yeah it was the only one they had that had Pepperoni on it” He settled himself in front of the TV and switched on his film “Mona Lisa”.

Erm K – what about the diet coke?

“Oh hell, I knew there was something else” The TV was turned up and he settled himself on the sofa obviously content in the knowledge that he had hunted and gathered to the best of his ability.

A snotty voice snivelled its way into the screaming rampaging noise created by The Beast and TripleB. “Should have gone yourself,” said snidey me.

“Shut the hell up” I mumbled as I covered the top of my pizza with pineapple and added cheese. “Want extra cheese on yours K?”

"Be nice, he tried his best" urged romantic me from the dark corners of my hunger.
Putting the two discs of pepperoni pregnancy placating pizzas into the oven I read the destructions. 12 minutes. Tick, tick, tick. I checked the Pizzas and was a slightly uncomfortable at the pale anaemic and soggy look, the beast’s drums pounded hard, TripleB kicked my liver "Food, Pizza, diet coke"!!!

Another 5 mins -Tick, tick, Tick.

The Pizza’s were pulled from the oven, still slightly anaemic and a bit soggy but hot and cooked. K and I settled ourselfs and I eagerly picked up a slice of pizza hoping it would quell the burning desire and screams raging within my body.

“Hmmmm - Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple” murmured the beast in a Homeresque chant.

“Urgh… um…” chew, keep chewing" The drums stopped and the primordial beast and TripleB stopped dancing “HUH” they both asked “What the hell is this muck?” I looked at K and was glad to see that he too had a look of slight disgust on his face.

“K this is awful” I put down my plate and poked at the pineapple. “Hmmm” he mumbled, stuffing another slice in his mouth “Its not very nice is it”. I sat upon the sofa panicked by the now crashing need that was over taking me “I need, no want, gotta have Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”. Romantic me simpered in the corner again “Don’t worry, he will go out and get another one, he will, just give him time”

Snotty, snide me giggled, “No bloody way, you know if you want it your going to have to go get it yourself”.

“No I’m not” I sulked.

“Yes you are” sniped snidey me.

“No I’m not, K will surely suggest we get another one at the end of the film”. I took the offending article and dumped the plastic promise in the bin, but not before picking off the pineapple and cheese.

The beast roared and pounded in side me, the craving for pepperoni almost taking my breath away, "Just one bite, just one slice, just one pizza!" To take my mind off the pounding and kicking raging inside I took myself off to bed and read. Drink water I raged at myself, that will kill the need.

The title music to "Mona Lisa" swirled into the bedroom. I heard K’s footsteps approaching, the beast fell silent panting slowly, a low growl emitting from its hungry thoat.Here it was, he would surely say it….

“You missed a good film”. Now he would say it now. I nodded the universal “humph” nod and said, “I didnt miss it, I just didn’t fancy watching it”.

“Oh! Want a cup of tea or something?”

“Waaaaaaa” wailed the beast.

“No I need, want, gotta have Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke” roared the beast inside me again”. This time the universal “shake of the head” was used and he returned to the living room.

“Told ya so” snivelled snidey me.

“Shut up” I snapped back, drinking another half litre of water. I pulled my book to me and attempted to ignore the beast. At 3.15am I woke tears streaming down my face. “ Want, want, want Pepperoni Pizza, want, want, want Pineapple, want, want, want Diet coke”. Shshhhh” I soothed, stroking my stomach, “as soon as the shops open mommie will go and get it for you – Shshshshhhs”

The slow movement of the clock taunting us in our need and desperation “Want, want, want Pepperoni Pizza, want, want, want Pineapple, want, want, want Diet coke”. The steady beat of this craving over took me in waves of need I have never experienced before.

Finally the clock hit 9.30 and I was out of bed, washed and dressed as quickly as possible. I sneaked into the living room; K lay on the sofa snoring his head off and dead to the world.

I switched on the cooker and quicker than Jack Flash I was in the car and heading to Sainsburys accompanied by the pitiful wail of the beast “Want, want, want Pepperoni Pizza, want, want, want Pineapple, want, want, want Diet coke”.

Inside the shop and I began the hunt, “They must have more than one type of pepperoni pizza, they must” I mumbled the beasts mantra “Want, want, want Pepperoni Pizza, want, want, want Pineapple, want, want, want Diet coke”; suddenly heavenly music filled my ears and celestial light shone down into the freezer section and there before me was four whole freezers full of pizza – pizza with chicken ticka, pizza with extra cheese, ham and pineapple, all day breakfast pizza, my eyes searched frantically, the music filling my head as they sudden espied the most glorious sight ever “Goodfellas pizza – double pepperoni and cheese”.

My whole body, the beast, TripleB and the collective me’s heaved a sigh of pleasure, the drum beat stopped and every one joined hands and danced around in circles like children “We got Pepperoni Pizza, we got pineapple, we got diet coke”. My basket filled with all the necessary pleasures I paid the lady at the counter the pennies she required and headed home.

Hurrying into the caravan I was greeted by a cheery “Morning, did you switch the cooker on or did you leave it on last night”

“No, I switched it on this morning, you haven’t switched it off have you”

Yeah – just now”.

“Turn it BACK ON” snidey me yelled. K approached me warily, “Where ya been?”.

“Sainsburys”. His eyes fell upon the bags “needed Pizza”.

A sneer came upon his face. “Oh yeah, cause I did it wrong didn’t I, I got the wrong Pizza”.

“Well – DUH – Yeah, lesson learnt though” I snapped, “If I’m craving something I will just go get it myself”

And as World War 369 kicked off in the heaven I call home the beast purred “Pepperoni Pizza with Pineapple and Diet coke”.

Well since the union rep came in and shook her union rep stick Ive had a risk assessment done, Im now no longer able to work before 8am, when there are other members of staff in the centre other than the cleaner.

I have had the bottom part of my uniform delivered - the tops should follow. Ive washed them once and all the stitching has come undone.

Still no sign of a contract or confirmation of the job spec but hey who am I to rock the boat, things are happening!

Okay, I've finally taken the bull by the horns and made a complaint to the Union about my situation at work.

Things with the Mawanker were just getting silly. He wouldn't let me order resources I needed for courses and was just making things difficult for me, parts of my job that are integral to what I do were given to the Assistant Manager. Aside from that I have become fairly concerned over the last 6 months or so regarding my contract - and the fact that I didn't really have an updated one.

So I called in my Union rep, who listened to me with sympathy and understanding and things have kicked of. Its all a little scary, cause I'm not doing this to cause problems, I'm just concerned that when I want to return after Maternity leave there will be a job for me to return to.

I'm just hoping that things don't get awkward... I'm not sure I can deal with awkward!

The whole weekend was lovely, as weddings often are. The service was held in a beautiful church called St Chads and Janey looked like a 1950's Grace Kelly look alike.



I met a whole bunch of lovely people, some of whom I had met before (Terry, Sarah, Bill and Robbin) and some of whom I hadn't (Evelyn).


Rob, Bev and Evelyn

I caught up with some friends, Jack, Andrew, Fiona and Simon from London and danced when TripleB would allow me too.


K was best man.

I played a supporting role of driver and organiser of pie-eyed husbands! Best Quote came from Andrew "Ahh well, I may as well accept that now Janey has gone I'm confined to a life of gayness with Jack"

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FOR FREE!!!



Went to a beautiful wedding in Lichfield this weekend, but more on that later. Just wanted to share this smile with you!

Whooo-rahhhhhh!!!

Following a weekend of trials and tribulations, boxes and knee deep mud we are finally ensconced within the four walls of our new trailer. And its bloody fabtastic!

Pictures will of course follow as soon as I can find the bally camera!

K and I actually managed to get through the weekend with only a few moments of raised voices - most of it coming from him. I have found in my current state of fatness I'm actually calmer in the face of adversity, rain and pee'd off husbands.

We, like many people, have a had a week of rain, which meant that outside the trailer became a quagmire of mud, so not only were we navigating around the mud each time we entered the trailer we had to remove our boots, this whole process wasn't helped by my inability to lift anything heavy. After the sixteenth, "don't lift it, leave it" we had a little chat and decided if I pulled things carefully I could assist. Most of the weekend was passed with K protectively saying "careful, don't" and me saying "shut up, I can manage". Which he did and I did.

Rosie and Tina were a little confused by the number of homes they have lived in over the last week, but soon settled in and are now looking forward to the cat flap man coming and fitting their new route to freedom.



We've had a few problems with SKY so have had to watch terrestrial TV - OWCH!!! I've said for the last four years that SKY was hundreds of channels of nothing worth watching, but at least occasionally there is something to watch. This last week has made me question the worth of our TV Licence - what a load a c**p!

Luckily the SKY man is visiting us tomorrow *sigh*.

Biggest news for this week though is that K is in a play. Yes, not me, but him. He has already told me he doesn't want my help to learn lines, but I know that revenge is a dish best served cold, with chocolate chip icecream! Rehearsals start tonight.

This weekend is the Wedding of Janey and Robert, friends from London. We travel down to Lichfield on Friday, K is best man, so he is getting up tight about his speech and I'm desperately trying to sort out his suit, which since giving up smoking no longer fits him. Luckily mum says she knows a trick with elastic - should be interesting!!!

All in all life is still fairly hectic, but enjoyable - How goes it on your side of the lily pad?

Its a simple question and one I pondered lots on Tuesday night.

With TripleB coming into our lives K and I had a grown up, sit down conversation about our living space about a month ago and we decided that whilst we love the trailer trash life we currently exist in there were two main areas of concern:
1) Heating the trailer in the winter
2) Double Glazing

This in mind I had made some investigations and discovered it would cost about 4-5K to get our wee home double glazed. I had began purchasing heaters to install in each of the rooms so we could have a form of central heating system but the idea of climbing under the trailer and running the wires for the electric circuit was something I wasn't really looking forward to.

That said we had a nose round some of the other caravans/trailers on the site and found this lush one that was only a year old that had central heating and double glazing installed already. Feeling the pros far outweighed the cons we brought the new trailer outright under part ex and used some of our savings. (Pics will of course follow once we are ensconced).

Nough background stuff!

When buying the new trailer we discussed with the sales team how this would happen and certain assurances were made. Yes it was okay to leave the cats in situ. Yes they would site the old trailer next to our existing site, or as close as possible. Yes the new trailer would be sited at the start of the week and we could get BT and Sky sorted from then onwards. Yes we could move stuff in once the trailer had been sited. Yes of course it was going to be "hassle free".

I have to say that the build up to this move was somewhat simpler than the move at the beginning of the year. Primarily because we haven't really had to pack anything up we are just transferring our belongings from one trailer to another. Marci, as mentioned in a previous post, helped and K and I, mainly me though - tee hee, has slowly but surely moved stuff around and packed things up in readiness for the big move this weekend.

So on Sunday night K & I packed up our overnight bags, we had been offered the use of one of the sales trailers to live in for the week, disconnected the Telephone and Sky dish and ensured that all breakables were packed or stored safely.

Monday I spent the day in a state of excitement, thinking about our new home, where I could put stuff, how nice it was going to be to have central heating blah, blah, blah. I drove home in a frenzied state of glee only to find our old trailer hadn't moved, nothing had been done, Rosie and Tina looked at me with a look of contempt as they had been locked in all day.

I went round to the sales dept and asked what had happened. "Staff shortages". I was assured that the new trailer would be sited tomorrow, Tuesday, in preparation for BT and SKY on Wed. Cool!

K and I spent one final night in the trailer talking about how pleasant it had been and how much we were going to miss it, but how nice it would be to be in the new trailer blah, blah, blah...

Tuesday - Another day of tormented excitement. Were the cats okay? Should I have taken the stuff out of the fridge? Was the new trailer going to fit on our existing site. My building excitement was prolonged by the fact that I was running a youth club session so didn't get back to the site until 6.20 where I discovered ...

NOTHING - not the nothing like yesterday but a great big CALAMITY type nothing, there really was nothing, No new trailer, no old trailer no... Nothing!!

In the space where we lived there was simply nothing, well not quite nothing, there was our storage box, which had been pushed to one side, rubbish from under the trailer had been strewn around the area along with the steps to the trailer and boxes of wood!

I sat for a few moments surveying this nothingness wondering where the hell my home was. It should have been sited on an empty site right next door to our existing one, but there was a large space of nothing!!!

I spent the next hour driving round the site desperately seeking my trailer, NOTHING! I went to admin - NOTHING, I tried to track down the site security guy - NOTHING.

Tears! You bet!

Just as I was beginning to give up the search I spied our trailer. I pulled open the door and stepped inside, obviously there was no electricity and it was pitch black, but Tina was still inside, anxious cause it was way past her dinner time, but otherwise unconcerned. There was no sight of Rosie. I grabbed our over night bags, Tina and the stuff out of the fridge and headed off to the loaned trailer.

The Phone rang - it was K "What the Fluck is going on?, Where's our trailer?, Where's the new trailer?, Are you ok?". Amidst garbled "I don't knows" we eventually found each other and headed back to the original site where we discovered a fellow trailer-trashian checking out our freezer! We scared him off with loud comments of "What's he doing looking in our Freezer" and "The Cheek".

Concerned about the safety of the chocolate chip icecream we decided to unloaded the freezer and take it down to my mum and dads. Whilst loading the freezer stuff Rosie approached us, totally confused and more than a little scared. It took a few moments of tender miowing to convince her things were going to be okay.

At 9.30ish we finally returned back to the loaned trailer and settled ourselves, Rosie and Tina in and pondered how little of those "sales assurances" had been kept. The whole affair could possibly be termed "a right bloody cock up".

I spent all day yesterday attempting to get stuff sorted out and can safely say that from nothing we have slightly more than nothing. The new trailer has been pitched, but SKY and BT both had to be cancelled. We cant move any of our stuff in cause we have no elec/gas or water and our existing trailer is no where near the new one so moving stuff in wont be the simple process we thought it was going to be.

On the up side though I had an appointment with the midwife and I'm having a text book pregnancy, everything is normal, we heard TrippleB's heartbeat - nice and strong and my urine is apparently "a lovely colour" - Now that is what I call extracting the positive from the negative!!!