I spend 40 minutes each day with a machine sucked on my tit so my husband can "feed" our child, gaining together time, bonding...
Its not uncomfortable, but it aint pretty... But I do it.. cause I felt it was important for K and my wee one to have time together...
Tonight I have sat watching K feeding the wee one whilst he, K watched TV, occasionally looking at the little guy, his main interest however was on the google box.
I felt demeaned and drunk, I felt sad and why, I felt wasted! I AM WASTED!
I've prepared a formula bottle, because I knew I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
And then K told me I was drunk. I was but we didn't talk about why I was drunk, we didn't talk about what we would do now I was drunk for Dylan. K just left the room, in a supercilious I'm sober walk and left.
So I sit here drunk, unable to feed my baby, and totally crap, I am a fat ****, I am unloveable, am sleazy, incapable of looking after a baby...........I'm left with nothing!
Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2
Tuesday, May 30, 2006 at 12:18 am
Creation Vs TV
Heidi said...
Huge Hugs, Baby's don't come with a Haynes Manual unfortunately and Men... well.... You love your darling wee man Dylan and that is the most important thing in the whole wide world. Boobs, Pah! Honey if you have to feed the darling one champagne, do it. It still would not make you a failure. As for being drunk. Why not? I quite fancy it myself tonight.. and being the big grow'd up adult that I am, it's a choice I can make...! Don't be so down on yourself honey, life has these ups and downs and so does parenthood. Go with the flow and keep an eye out for Post Natal Dep, it can snuck up on anyone, nasty horrible sneaky thing that it is! Give baby D a Maffise hug from me, just because he's so cute.. even when covered in nasty stinky yellow stuff.
HHx
~