Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2

Well its all over: the wrapping paper has been ecologically assigned to the recycle bin, the last of the crumbled bits of paper from a party popper was dragged from behind the sofa in the house cleanse this morning and the last of the turkey was eaten in a rather delicious meal, which my daddy joined us for the day after boxing day. I even made stock with the carcass but then I didn't know what to do with it so have thrown it away. Hours of phone calls were made and received and that's it - Christmas is done with.

Good things; my dig camera - once I have sat down with the destruction book, thrown it away in a strop and then decided to dig it out from the bin/back of the sofa or drawer marked "bugger it I dont know what its for" I will be able to bore family, friends and relative strangers with pics of my life.
Keefe seemed to like his presents - always well acted.
My mum and dad didn't argue for the first time in years. May have had something to do with the fact that she was in Coventry and he was in his caravan in Whitley Bay.
I cooked my first - on my own - Christmas dinner and if I say so myself it was rather good. I've always cooked it with someone like my mum or brother so this year was my first - I'm impressed with myself but have to say that I understand cooking for two is a whole different story than cooking for 20. Hats off to anyone who did!

Bad things: Nope not going there, still maintaining an upside down frown!

So what now.... Well now its the hype for the NEW YEAR! We have a friend of Keefe's coming to stay (Woody) and may be going to Dads, or may be mums, or may be not going out at all. Who knows. I'm approaching the end of this year with some slight trepidation but, and here is the shocker, a whole lot more enthusiasm!

Trepidation:
1) I may end up loosing my license because of a very drunken night out in July.
2) Keefe and I are still not totally sorted - so need to get on top of the stuff called relationships.
3) We are selling up are rather lovely house and moving into a glorified caravan under the banner of "down sizing"

Enthusiasm:
1) I'm in a play at the end of January and I actually feel really good about it.
2) I think I've settled some "stuff" about where I want to go with my career and that's looking positive.
3) We are selling up are rather lovely house and moving into a glorified caravan under the banner of "down sizing"
4) I'm doing the moon walk.

So lots to blog on and even more to just waffle about. So here's a toast the last few days of this fairly strange year.

"You came with a whimper - now leave with some wine...."

Well have spent the whole day preparing myself for the big day... Shopped for the final stuff - Parsnips, those little sausages that you wrap up in bacon and sausage rolls.... Everything else was pur-chased. I was actually feeling relatively cool and sorted. My Tree glistens, my fridge is full and my house was clean. I am Delia Smith incarnate (even my celery has been wrapped in tin foil to sustain in through the period).
QUESTION; Why do we buy celery? I personally hate it. I wrap it in tinfoil and it lasts for months... but I never eat it!
4.30pm: Sat and contemplated the age old problem - Christmas eve or antibiotics. Hx had previously told me that alcohol and antibiotics was a bad mad mix and if I had been prescribed antibiotics I really, REALLY shouldn't be drinking....
5:00: SO .... half a bottle of baileys later and a stuffed turkey I was was once again wondering what all the fuss is about.
6pm: Okay cooked off sausage rolls for HB, filled up chocolate dishes and puffed up cushions.... Still sat on my own and waiting for husband to return home.
QUESTION: IF you are a caretaker working on your own, would you work till 6.15 at night?
Next session - 6.30pm: Parsnips basted in Parmesan, chestnuts roasted, Brussels done, an beef cooked off... still alone....
Is this the way Christmas eve should be spent...
10.40:Hmm Sausage rolls scoffed, chocolates eaten, nuts inhaled and sat typing out blog. I'm ready for Xmas just not sure about spending 3 days with hubland. His big thing was cooking us breakfast tomorrow and he asked me tonight what I wanted. I said " salmon omelet..." He asked If I had brought any salmon.... Hmmm he has really thought about this. He then produced his gifts and I (rather unselfishly) know that none of them contain anything I have asked/hinted for.

I'm still feeling rather dead about the whole xmas affair so have decided to take the most drastic of actions. I'm going to midnight mass at my local church.....

More later

Last night, even though full of snot and croaking like a 50 a day smoker, I joined an old college friend, Jo and her friend Marnie, at the Cumberland Arms (a very dodgy looking pub in one of the scariest parts of Byker - Newcastle) to watch a band called Aslan (I think). Marnie's boyfriend was playing in the band and to be honest I didn't know what to expect.

My contact with Jo has been very sporadic, the last time I saw her was October last year, but she is one of those people in my life whom I just not ready to let go off. So on a tri yearly basis I contact her, we catch up and say lets meet up - but then never do.

Last week we had our usual conversation and she mentioned that she was going to the Cumberland to see this band and asked me to go. Now since becoming a "Married Lady" I'm pretty much a stay at home on Friday night gal. I haven't been to a gig in years, in fact Hx took me to the last one I went to (Remember - the one we couldn't find). So it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realised that somewhere between driving home, hoovering and pondering what delicious meal I was going to cook for my dearly beloved I had decided to go the gig.

Firstly I hit two barriers. The first being my normal paranoia of "oh my god, I haven't seen Jo for ages what are we going to talk about, will she have changed, have I changed, will we still get on... and what about Marnie"


The second being what the hell does a 34 year old married bint wear to a gig in a pub that has a more than dodgy repuatation, knowing that the gig is a reggae rock type band. Half a wardrobe later - I ended up donning my best fitting pair of hipster jeans, corset top (Showing an indecent amount of embroidered bra) and heeled in my bobber boots. Rock chick meets casual thirty something!


So with paranoia held firmly in check I headed off in Nicholas Paul Viscount Peabody (my car) and eventually, after driving round Bykers one way system at least four times, found the pub. Why do the councils of this world insist on putting new one way systems into all towns just before Xmas?


I entered the pub and immediately thought "DOH - def not Rock chick environment, more cool laid back hippie". But spotting Jo I brazenly pushed my way through the crowd and received the best hug I've had in months. As usual my paranoia was totally wrong and we burst into conversation, catch up and general chat. I met an ex flat mate of Jo's, Steven, who was lovely and caught up with Marnie quickly, then we all headed upstairs to see the band.


Cutting a long story short - the band was bally brilliant. At first I sat on the side lines watching Marnie and Jo shake and twist to the beat. Due to the smoke I was coughing again like a old man who has just got up and not had his morning fag, but before I knew what was happening the beat got to me and my feet forced me to the dance floor where I spent the next hour and a half shaking my stuff to the most wonderful of music.


The dance floor was full of totally different types ranging from those cool laid back hippies to "Essex (Byker) girls" to the over fifty dad in his tie and nylon trousers - It didn't matter how you danced, just that you danced.

The band finished at about 12ish to loud applause and calls of "more and encore". I left Jo and Marnie to bask in the bands happiness at a fantastic gig - with promises to keep in touch more.

Now you might be thinking so where is the second experience. Well for the last decade I don't ever remember going out to something like this and not drinking. Luckily I have always aligned myself with pals who didnt mind not drinking so I, of course, used to do the dutiful thing and get sloshed on their behalf (thanks Hx). This night though I had no friend to call on as a driver so had to drive myself. I had one white wine spritzer and can honestly say that I had just as good a time as when I've been drinking!!!

So all this musing leads me to question two things:
1) How do we have some friends we have to talk to on a daily/weekly basis and others we can contact on a yearly basis but still feel as close.
2) Why didn't anyone ever explain to me how nice it is to go out, have sensible conversation with folks and wake up the next morning without the obligatory headache!

Well after yesterdays musings I'm happy to say that whilst out walking this morning I was hit by my first tinsel buzz. Some of the houses along my walk had left their lights on over night and this enabled me to bask in the gorgeousness of twinkling lights in early morning darkness.

As I puffed my way up the road I was suddenly hit by how truly wonderful this time of the year is, even though we are bombarded by grey skies and rain we, as a nation, valiantly battle against the elements and decorate the bare trees in our gardens and add a little bit of sparkle to the world. I'm still feeling jaded against the onslaught of Santa clauses and the TV's endless "you must have this and this and this ..." to have a good Christmas but this morning my Christmas fairy very definitely began rattling her cage and calling for freedom.

I'm also feeling wonderfully positive about life in general this morning. I feel like a weight has been lifted (and its got nothing to do with the 3lbs I've lost this week) from my shoulders. Stuff that was bothering me last week has suddenly fallen into place and I'm beginning to think that maybe I can sort out the other stuff. Hmm I love that word "stuff" it covers a world of "stuff".

rudolph1
Originally uploaded by elf1407.

Its a week till the big man starts to get his sleigh ready to deliver all the goodies to those of us who have been "good girls and boys" but I'm currently wallowing in a pool of nothingness and lack of interest in the whole affair.

Don't get me wrong, I'm usually the Crimbo elf, tinsel and white lights, as far as I'm concerned, should be draped over everything that stands still for longer than three seconds. But this year I'm finding it really hard to get enthusiastic.

I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the adverts we have been seeing since October and the shops being full of "Christmas cheer" since mid November. Has this over commercialised early delivery helped dull down my/your Christmas spirit. Should we be thinking about buying Christmas wrapping paper before we have even donned our Halloween costumes?

How are you finding your Christmas spirit and freeing your Christmas Fairy/Elf?

Well, first time for everything. Introduced to this concept by a friend called Helen, so if you want to blame someone blame her.

Not really sure where to start, so will just ramble for a while. Its 4.38am and I couldnt sleep, not sure why, just one of those thangs that happens every now and then. So instead of learning my lines for forthcoming play I decided to open up my mail, read Helens mail linking to a blogged site and well the rest is history.

Think Im going to leave it here, cause not really sure where else to go other than saying

Me with Flute!!!!