Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2

Yep, I've finally decided that this ole body of mine needs some serious TLC (Torture, Loathing and Cramps) so Annemarie and I have undertaken an exercise regime to fight the buldge and force us into a state of fitness we took for granted whilst playing at soldiers over a decade ago.

Our first session of torture took place on Monday night. With her two kids in tow we headed onto the beach, stretching out and doing those silly jogging exercises you see seriously fit people doing.

Then I marked out 400 meters along the beach and the true pain started. We jogged the 400 meters, then walked 100, we lay upon the sand doing sit ups, press ups, crunches and star jumps, then jogged 400 meters, walked 100 and repeated the cycle.

Both of us died after the fourth cycle, so we warmed down and panted at each other for a good five mins. Walking, *stumbling*, home we both admitted that although obviously unfit we felt much better for having got out and done something. Three days down the line and I'm stiff, sore and not looking to the session tonight, but I will endure.



Whatever your doing - have fun!

this made me smile.

So go on, click here, you deserve a silly smile!

Have a good weekend.

Cause whatever is happening is really freaking out my central stability, I’m up, I’m down, I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m giggling one moment and crying the next, I pick up the phone to call friends to see if they are suffering in this way and suddenly I’m putting the phone down unable to deal with the idea of a conversation. I’ve a whole tempestuous fervour of emotions flitting through my pea like brain and I’m left feeling like I’ve run a marathon but have lost a leg somewhere round the course.

Sunday night - I finished Harry Potter, I cried - it’s not allowed!!! I suppose I have to admit to being a huge fan, this range of books, for me, are up there with "Winnie the Pooh" and the "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe" series, these are books I re-read to remember the joy of childhood days and a time of innocence that did not need laptops and wine to make the evening feel good.

Monday - I got my licence back – Yehaw. However the thought of actually getting in the car and driving fills me with such trepidation that I’m thinking of going tea total.

Tuesday - K brought in “The Prisoner of Azkaban” and we watched it whilst drinking a gorgeous bottle of red wine (wasn’t driving so didn’t matter - so much for tea total) and eating pizza.

Wednesday - Work was sufferable. Mawanker is still off with sore testicles - sorry that alone makes me smile. I did very little, its amazing how little you can do whilst actually looking busy, this could be my new work ethic.

Thursday - I woke this morning and contemplated how I was going to get into work. The reality being I only have one mode of transport - my bike, but the hour between K leaving and me getting up I attempted to work out bus routes. Dudley, where I work has, about 3 buses that serve the area and you can spend up to an hour waiting for a connecting bus. Not great!

I eventually pulled my body from the bed and got on my bike. 15 mins later cycling up the one and only real hill I have to traverse my knee gave out and I lay on the floor in agony. 5 mins later, after kicking the bike with my good leg I hobbled back towards the trailer park, muttering to the cycle gods "I bally knew I shouldn't be cycling this morning"

One taxi journey, and £10's, later and I’m now in work attempting to do as little as possible but today my recently adopted work ethic is not happening, learndirect learners thwart my lazy desires and I’m teaching a class this afternoon.

But my biggest worry is how the heck am I going to get home!!!!

My oldest brother, Shaun, popped over from Cumbria to bring me cake, champagne and sunflowers on Friday night, it was lovely to see him and we spent a great evening conversing and laughing.

Saturday K and I set off for Kenilworth, where Robert - one of K's oldest friends - was performing "war of the roses" at Kenilworth castle. The journey down was a total nightmare and took a grueling 6 1/2 hours. Road works and traffic accidents slowed the journey down constantly and we made it to the hotel with just enough time for us to bathe before heading off to the Castle to meet Janey Q, Roberts girlfriend, Joe and Jenny, Roberts parents and Will, a friend of Roberts who we will be hearing much more of in the future.

Before I head on though have to tell you about my bath....

It was faaaaab. We moved from our old house, which had a double corner bath to the trailer which has only a shower, so this was my first bubbly bath in six months....



GEWGAWS

Anyway, we eventually stocked up on wine, bits to eat and made it to the Kenilworth castle with moments to spare. The castle itself is lovely in very pituresque grounds, unfortunately I took lots of crap pictures so have only a few worth showing.



This is before the show started.


This is Robert (cant remember which character this was - he played Richard III, very well, as his main part but also had a few cameo bits. This was Queen Margaret rubbing the blood of Warwicks child into his face just before they killed him.



This is Robert at the very end of the play doing the "now is the winter of our discontent speech"



And this is Joe, Roberts dad, doing a cross between Richard and Meatloaf.

All in all the evening was a great success and was rounded up by us all adjourning to the bar just across the road from the castle to catch up on life.

K has been asked by Robert and Will to go up to Edinburgh at the beginning of August with them to assist with their lights for the show they have written, produced and are acting in at the festival about Burke and Hair - the grave robbers, who didn't really rob graves but killed people. So if you do ever get to the Festival look out for the show, both guys are very talented and deserve a break.

But I spent much of it playing on my new lap top



From Keefe

and eating


my winnie the pooh cake

Couldnt bring myself to eat



So he is safe in the fridge...

Apart from the above I didnt really do much else - didnt even get very drunk, god is this old age/maturity slipping in?!!?

Any way a belated birthday wish to me, my pappy and my Uncle Llew - all on the 14th July, Papa Sucre for the 13th, Bob for the 15th and any other little crabs whom I may have missed.

Well what a totally wonderful, madly incredulous and bizarre couple of weeks.

Spain, Smoothies and swimming.
Hx and Milky have both posted on this already, so I wont bore you with too many details. Three independent, self thinking females in a small, but perfect apartment, obviously led to a few “heated discussions” but I think we all had fun and I especially had a fantastic week getting to know Milky and renewing my friendship with Hx.

The temperatures were very much in the hot, hot area and we kept cool by swimming
a lot, eating regularly

The best "piella" ever
and drinking the occasional smoothie or fish bowl full of wine (that was just me wasn’t it?!?!)whilst attempting to kill mosquitoes and flies.

The Apartment itself was located in the lovely Palamores a small but up and coming village, lots of construction going on but nothing that was detrimental to the relaxing feel of the place.

Palamores at night

I can recommend it to anyone who wants a week in lovely surroundings, the swimming pool and grounds were perfectly tended

and I felt most lucky to be able to stay there – thanks Hx and Chris. Chris is I believe taking bookings!!!

Some, but not all , of the highlights
Loosing graciously at Yatzee – when one is wearing someone else’s glasses, making and drinking smoothies and attempting not to burn it’s very easy to loose at this game – that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Almost getting a sun tan – yep I actually came back cream – a vast improvement on my previous blue, white, red, pink, white, blue tanning experiences.
Hx driving over to Carbanares – A London driver freaking over a hill, most amusing for me and Milky, but the girl did great!
Using my atrocious Spanish!
Making it all the way out to the furthest buoy – but most importantly making it back.
Milky’s description of her conversation with an elderly German on the nudist beach!
A knicker full of pebbles and scary seaweed.



The Indalo man - As written on my necklace gift tag "he bring good lick and prisperity to those who weer or adorn him on their doors"

Home and plodding down the road
Following a rather harrowing return journey I eventually got home and checked my phone, K had left a rather drunken message to say that we “needed to talk about our F-ing relationship”. Added to that the worry of a missing pussycat and my first night back at home was not quite what I had envisioned it.

Luckily after much wailing and walking Rosie was eventually located in our neighbours trailer – she had been locked in for the whole of the weekend. Neighbour was mortified and is now habitually checking cupboards, bedrooms and any other places a cat might fit before leaving the trailer.

K also arrived home and I steeled myself for the dreaded conversation, however the shouting never really took off and we had a very grown up conversation discussing feelings, needs and where we were.

I even showed him my blog and explained what it was all about, we talked about his previous marriage, his mum, how important I was to him and how he understood what I needed. We talked lots and I woke up on Monday morning feeling that we had headed down a very positive route.

The following week I have to admit to being unable to get into the work sphere so I skived the whole week off. Each night I went to bed promising myself I “would go back to work tomorrow” but it never happened.

Thursday’s horrendousness in London confirmed for me that I needed to be at home, cocooned in my trailer watching the news.

Friday Malcolm , K’s friend joined us for the weekend.

This is Malcolm

We had a lovely weekend eating out,

walking in the Ingram Valley
and poodling along the promenade at home enjoying the sunshine.


The downer!
Sadly – and I’m probably being hyper judgemental – K’s promises of happiness and understanding from last week began to show cracks, we argued and sniped and the tactileness we enjoyed at the beginning of the week disappeared, leaving me again feeling uncertain of our future.

No matter how much he professes to love me, to want to make us work, to want to make me happy it seems we cannot help but revert to the sniping and hurtfulness that we have come to know, if not love.

and when it said Icreid "ahhh bollox"