Kinda a lot has been going on, but nothing really worthy of its own blog, except of course the receipt of a parcel from NZ, so I’m going to sum it up in one weekly blog. Yes I know its only Wednesday but hey, I’m at work, I’m bored and I have half an hour to kill - Fingers do your stuff!!!
A surpresent from Abroad
Milky's mum, Queen B , sent me a wee parcel all the way from NZ, it was a total surprise and I love surprises, so squealed for all of ten mins and danced around my mammas kitchen waving my parcel and doing the "I got a parcel" dance! Upon opening said parcel I squealed some more - a portable baby changing mat (which will be tres useful when I’m out and about) a Plunket baby booklet full of useful information and two Mighty Perky Mama bars - which I’m told are NZ delicacy and I’m saving for my next downward mood swing, then I will scoff both of them and wallow in the sugar rush. (pics will come when I can get my camera up and running again)
A visit to the Hospital
I’m particularly a feared of hospitals, no thats not right, I’m particularly a feared of medical interventions. My neurosis stems from a rather horrible hospital experience I had in London five or six years ago, but for once Im not going to bore you with details. Since the said experience I actually worked in a hospital for a year and had no problems with working there but when I have to go in as a patient, succumbing to medical doctoring I fear that some mad man in a white coat will swoop down on me and force me to undergo several nasty, painful procedures for no apparent reason and with even less explanation.
I therefore, faced with entering a hospital for any form of medical reason, wind myself up (unbelievable though this may seem) until I’m a gibbering wreck and panic attacks abound.
Consequently I’ve been hoping to be able to have a home birth, but my midwife, who is generally a lovely supportive woman, has been really pressurising me to go to the hospital. She decided that I would feel much better if I saw the ward and familiarised myself with the surroundings. So K and I went to meet her. I, of course, immediately felt the panic descending but attempted to look at the visit as preparation.
Within the 30 mins we were there she slowly chipped away at my confidence and encouraged K to say how concerned and worried he was regarding the home birth option, how in her experience home births were not a good idea, asking me how I would feel if something went wrong and we couldnt get to the hospital in time - I cried, more in frustration that she didn’t appear to understand my fear, and was left feeling like a total control freak who didn’t give a damn about the baby growing inside of me - Not a good feeling!!!
I’ve got to meet with her next week to discuss my options, but I’m still feeling that I’m better off relaxed and at home (five min drive from the hospital) than uptight, freaking out and worrying that I’m not going to be given the opportunity to have the natural birth I want.
Back Pain
I hate to harp on about being pregnant *cough, splutter* because I know I’ve had a relatively pain free easy pregnancy to date, but this week TripleB "dropped", which means he has moved into the head down position, this simple and "natural" change has meant that for the first time in my pregnancy I’m dealing with back ache - and my god it is intense, constant, all the time pain!
I’m figuring its the bodies way of saying, its gonna get worse so we will introduce you to this pain thing bit by bit. Because of the new change of position I’ve developed the "pregnancy waddle", think penguin and you've pretty much got it - Tres attractive!
People insist on telling me I’m "blooming" though, which I’m not sure whether to believe, I’m not sure if greasy hair and spots are quite the image of blooming I was looking for.
Relationship angst
All fairly quiet on the relationship front. K and I still play the swings and roundabouts game, some times we are up, sometimes we are down, sometimes we just go round and round in circles but I’m getting more and more to the stage where I just Vicky Pollard it and say "Do I look bovvered?”
Right now I’m dealing with radical body changes, increased hormone swings and attempting to get through a day at work. I’ve just nothing left to deal with "us" at the moment, especially when half of us doesn’t seem to want to put in any more effort than he really needs too to get through the day.
That said, he is working bally long days and then going onto rehearsals afterwards so is doubly tired and probably has as little energy for us as I do - all I can say is "we will see".
Life with Ma and Pa is working out remarkably well. We've all found our own space and seem to be working hard to adapt to each other’s idiosyncrasies. The hardest thing was working out the bathroom rota but once we had it cracked who went in when to get to work for the right time things seems to have sorted themselves out.
I’m loving having a bath (only have a shower in the caravan) and mum despite all my fears is actually easy to live with. We both moan about the men in our lives and then read to block it all out!
Work
No resolution, no further information, no change.....
Oh and my PC at works hard drive has died, lucky I backed up last Thursday!!!
Wow a total summation of my life to date. I’m left feeling fairly positive, slightly worried and a little excited. Whatever you’re planning, doing or recovering from do it with enthusiasm and remember no matter how dark the tunnel, or how long the road a Llama is always bigger than a frog!
