So I sat thinking "where is he" and twiddled my thumbs for a while. K eventually turned up about 7.45pm, we both did the funny "polite dance" we have been doing for the last month or so, made polite conversation and sat and looked at the table. I had had the TV turned off when he came in and I don't think he felt comfortable about switching it on straight away. Anyway he said "So, are you going to tell me what's up?". And there it was, my invitation to get all this rubbish out by handing him the letter....
So I did...
"Oh no, not another letter" he said. I looked at him and said "you can sit and read it and not understand, or we can continue on how we are - its your choice, I'm going to put the dinner on". Isn't it strange how much a pot of home made potato and leek soup needs stirring?
Long story short - when I returned to the living room the letter was thrown onto the table and I asked "So?". From there it all poured out.
He didn't mean to upset me about my acting skills - he was trying some reverse psychology - I advised him not to do this again, unless he backed it up with something positive.
He never saw me crying and apologised for not realising how badly I was being affected, but even then he was worried about his mum (Who has been poorly for a long time) so wasn't really concentrating on us - Just goes to show that even when I think I'm pushing out all the emotional stops sometimes he just doesn't notice. But then have to agree that when I'm really hurting that's when I retreat to my little shell and lick my wounds in sad solitary suffering.
He knows he's working too hard and knows he needs to be looking for more "realistic" hours, but wants us to hold out till we get into the caravan. Then he will see if he can get more hours from the council. But he was worried about money and didn't want to "sponge" off me again!
We talked about his reaction to his mums death and I apologised for being selfish, and he apologised for not letting me in - he still feels he is in shock and it hasn't really hit him.
He agrees we have become distant and wants to work on it.
It was generally all good!
So we agreed that the funeral needs to come first, that the house sale comes next and that once we are finally ensconced into our little trailer we will then begin working on us again.
This morning therefore I'm full of bunnies and butterflies and the world seems a much friendly place to play in. Special K diet still on, walking still on. We have our prospective buyers coming round tonight to view the house - so should find out what dates they have put forward for completing.
Keefe and I also head down to London tonight - Hx cant wait to see you Friday. Looking forward to checking out my new clothes, but mainly getting a hug and sharing a baileys or two.
"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." - Albert Ellis
