Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2

I've been thinking about this site an wondering if its wrong for me to begin pondering about pregnancy but it also occurred to me that maybe I'm a bit late for the pondering stage!

To me Blogging is all about what's happening in your life right now and this is certainly the biggest thing that's happened to me for quite some time - if you ignore the near divorce, death in the family and moving to a trailer - my main thought however has been "is this the right forum for a never ending list of aches, sleepless nights and mood swings!"

And guess what after re-reading a lot of my other entries it looks like it is; so apologies to those who might happen upon this sight for the next nine months and be driven away by the fear of being sucked into a world of "baby talk" but babies is what's going on right now on my side of the pond.

That said my first posting is about men, this could be a biased view and I could just be talking about K, but I'm thinking its probably men in general and how you JUST DON'T KNOW!!!

K has been remarkably supportive these last 4 weeks, he has put up with my moodiness and frequent cries of "it's your fault I'm like this", and "I'm having your baby, just bloody do it, I know it doesn't make sense but I don't care". He has even managed to tiptoe carefully around my downright, doggawn, tiredness and has handled my somewhat erratic demands with little more than a sigh to the heavens and a roll of the eyes - yes I admit it I have been a little erratic, yes, me - Honest!

So where is the problem?

These last few weeks when I'm snuggled up in my bed and K is lying next to me, snoring his little dreams about Jennifer Anniston and giving up smoking, my mind starts to wonder and I start to think about how the hell we are going to fit a little being into this 35 by 12ft space, let alone our lives.

The world just seems like one big mad spinning ball that confounds me. How do you face the prospect of bringing a new life into a world where pregnant women are being raped, children abused and men are waving bombs at each other like explosive penis's?

I've totally been ignoring the madness of mother nature and the little messages she is sending us, because I know that I don't recycle as much as I should and use my car more than I should. With these thoughts and the prospect of prams, cots and baby clothes filling my carefully organised space I look at the clock and bleary eyed see it's 5.30am and I've not slept all night.

So I'm even more tired and grouchy and the fact that K has forgotten to change the toilet roll again obviously means that he doesn't care the world is collapsing into a state of degradation and lowered standards and in 6 months time we will be over run by a screaming, demanding bundle of life that we have chosen to bring into this big bad world.

So when he says sighs and says to me "what's up" I just shake my head and look at him with a sense of wonder that this fairly intelligent male can stand in front of me asking such a stupid question and I think "how come you JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!"