So I had my first meeting yesterday in my new peripatetic role in my new car-less situation . I was lucky enough to have one of our technicians offer to drop me off at college so I didn't have to catch a bus for 30 minutes into town (the wrong direction) to catch another bus for 40 mins back to North Tyneside College. If I had a car the journey would take about 15 mins.
As I sat in the college corridor contemplating young firm bodies and the cruelness of age and its sagging hysteria I heard someone call my name. Turning I spied Annemarie a lovely friend of mine whom I never contact and I always feel guilty about never contacting.
Annemarie and I went through our TA training together. She has three kids, two of whom she is still dragging into the world, one of whom - Scott - who has left home, met a girl and become a daddy. Annemarie split up with her husband many years ago - see how bad I am as a friend, I cant even remember when. She is someone I admire for her strength and determination to get on in life and get something better. Sometimes her striving for "something better" seems to me a little callous, but I know she has a good heart that wants the world to be a better place for everyone.
Yep, this gamault of thoughts flipped through my brain as I also thought - God she looks great. We exchange the usual "lets catch up" then she informs me that she is celebrating her 40th next Thursday by hitting Whitley Bay for 70's night. It freaks me a little that I have friends who are turning 40 - how is that possible, most of the time I still feel in my early 20's, either that or 13.
I kinda backdived and said we were moving the next day, so I probably wouldn't be able to make it. But now I feel guilty, why cant I make it? I'm off on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday next week. What excuse do I really have for not going out with someone I consider to be a friend to celebrate this milestone, sorry moment, in her life. Realisation number 1 - there is no excuse and I'm a bad person if I don't go!
I enter into the meeting I was waiting for and Im faced with a guy called Ray Craven. I have to remind myself each time I go to pronounce his name its "Ray not Wes" as I had been calling him Wes all last week. The meeting was strange as I thought I was there to discuss IT needs in one of out center's, but the admin person - Kerry - had her own agenda so the meeting didn't quite go as I thought it was meant to. However I did get what we needed from the college and I fulfilled my end by simply being there! By the way - Ray/Wes is a guy in his late forties early fifties and has a huge ginger handle bar moustache that droops into his coffee as he drinks. Realisation number 2 - PEOPLE ARE STRANGE and do STRANGE things with thier facial hair.
After a forty minute meeting that really could have been done on the phone I walked to the bus stop and, luckily, only waited 20 mins for a bus to take me to Newcastle (the wrong direction). I sat on the bus behind two grey haired old ladies discussing Eastenders and contemplated life in its general sense and because I didn't have my Personal stereo (not IT advanced enough for an I-pod) I deleted all the photos on my phone. Up until this journey I hadnt realised that I could block the side button from taking pics - found that little treasure of a button somewhere between Walker and Newcastle.
I get into Newcastle - a great city with great shops and a great night life - but one I haven't been in since... ERM... March last year - I don't do the shopping thang and I hate being squished in clubs!! I stand confused and lost infront of an electronic board showing times and destinations of busses. I spy the 25X which goes almost to Dudley and also to Blyth - Im a creature of habit and Ive caught the X25 before so I pull out my purse and climb aboard the bus. I pay the £1.60 to Dudley - God isn't public transport expensive - and head upstairs. The journey passes and I close my eyes for a couple of mins, the bus gently sways and suddenly I'm woken with saliva on my chin and the bus driver telling me we had arrived at Blyth - BLYTH - ahh bugger!
So I thank him for waking me so gently and run from the bus hoping he wouldn't remember I hadn't paid for this last leg of the journey. I sit in my empty living room wondering if I should tell the boss or if I should pretend that the meeting dragged on, Mick laughed. Realisation number 3 - Im too HONEST
The rest of the evening I spent packing up the smaller pictures and bits and pieces around the living room. The house is becoming empty and less mine. As the House Dr suggests I'm doing all the right things to be able to move out of these walls with as little pain as possible.
K got in about 7.15 and we caught up on our days. He had managed to resolve someone's computer problem, which he was dead chuffed with, and I frankly find very scary as K is an off/on, move mouse kinda computer guy, so what IT skills did this other person possess?
Whilst laughing at his peacock strutting I jumped up and thought bugger and bum - "its K's birthday tomorrow" I have brought him tickets to see Angie Dickson (maybe) at the Whitley Bay Playhouse in March as his main present, but I had also brought a card and a book as a little something for him to open. So I spend the next 40 mins unpacking all the boxes I've previously packed up cause I couldn't find his card or present - By 9.30 I still hadnt located the missing present so went to bed feeling very out of sinc.
I woke at 2am this morning with cold sweats, dreaming of boxes going missing, walls crumbling and buyers from hell demanding my trailer as recompense for having to live in my home.
I also had a migraine! I lay on the floor in the bathroom desperately seeking solace from the cold tiles - hoping they would sooth my pounding head. I was going to run a bath but the noise of the splashing water made me want to vomit and the idea of having to lift my head up from the floor was too much for my feebled mind and body to contemplate.
An hour later I made it into the kitchen and found some of my special "gonna die if I don't take them" tablets - I took two. These tablets are actually something my mum takes - she has various strange medical condtions and I don't even know what is in them. What I do know is that within about 20 mins of taking them the migraine runs away and my world becomes a wonderfully squidgy cloud like place.
I returned to my bed as the green light on my clock flickered to 4.56. Keefe would be up in 45 mins, so I snuggled into his warm back pressing my cold body firmly into his, stealing his warmth and I feeling the raptuous squidgyness of mummies drugs pull me into its depths. "Yppah Bifdag day" I mumbled to his should blades.
This morning I'm awake but still feeling ethereal and I'm floating between rooms thinking "oh I must...." myhhhm " maybe". I've cancelled the rest of the day cause I cant do anything more than float.
I must however go round to the shops to get a card and a little something for K. He wants gammon, eggs and chips for his birthday tea - "I can do that". Realisation number 4 - I would be a druggie if I could AFFORD It!
Lost confused and looking for Inspiration - Stage 2
Tuesday, February 08, 2005 at 10:07 am
Busses, sleepless nights and four realisations!
Hx said...
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